This first day was spent in not taunting myself for the pomposity of this undertaking. I actively put aside feelings of incompetence and dread. The drawings are humiliating and I hide them from the curious eyes of my model. These drawings appall me with their superficiality and clumsiness.
I remember that at my best, in the past, I used an intentional clumsiness, but that is entirely different from this ineptness.
It’s been so long since I had an extended, uninterrupted time to draw with the privacy of my own model. I spent this first day in a kind of awe at my good fortune in having the grant money to do this audacious, greedy thing.
I proceed with a strong sense that I am going to discover something by drawing intensively, which has eluded me in the last few years. Quite honestly, I have no idea where I am going, but there is importance in this mild adventure.
It’s the simplicity of just working, which is important… and difficult.
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